Tuesday, January 24, 2012

something different.

Sometimes I look around my life and see no consistency. Nothing jumping off any pages and nothing hitting me in the face to challenge or change or lead me somewhere else. Somedays just come and go (just being honest) and I don't really think intentionally about what I'm doing or where tomorrow may go (terrible I know... I'm sure no one else is like this but had to get it off my chest). There are some days, weeks, even months that things I hear and learn or talk about just don't seem to have much relevance. 

but SOMETIMES (probably more than I ever notice or try to notice or even let my head wrap around) it all just fits together.

(sidenote)-- I feel spoiled/blessed/overwhelmed by my life leading to where I now. Little tiny things that I thought would never matter have created the place that I am at now and small decisions have turned into life-changers. People I didn't know I'd ever meet, have become my best friends. Friends from high school have become my favorite mentors. Jobs have formed me into who I am. it's crazy. I tell people, often, that I feel way spoiled that I can look back and see the things that God has done. Ways that He has answered prayers in ways I never would have imagined.

All that being said... I think something big is coming. I have NO IDEA what it is... or even if anything will actually happen, but the past couple of weeks has been such a challenge and wonderfully convicting place of life. 

Donald Miller came on campus last week (which was absolutely awesome for 1,000 different reasons)... it was great to have a success. To have someone on campus that EVERYONE seemed to connect with. To have a week where I felt really good about what I do. It was awesome to just HEAR his perspective. To MEET (yes, I said that... I try to play it cool but if you know me at all, I'm a star-struck kind of person sooooo it takes everything in me not to burst into giddy laughter/tears every time I meet an awesome speaker like him.) him. To hear about his life and faith. He talks about storytelling (if you haven't read his books/listened to him speak... stop RIGHT NOW and go do all of those things) and how you CREATE your own story. How we all are walking around waiting for something to maybe happen to us, but how God calls us to live out a story in Him. We have a blank sheet of paper, and God walks with us as we create our story of life. It challenged me to want even more to live a good story.

So then... our church, Ethos, started a new series in Ezra/Nehemiah about a REVIVAL. Dave, our preacher/friend/mentor/awesome wonderful person that you should meet, spoke about how comfort is often our biggest enemy and how we find ourselves comfortable in the places we thought we'd never be (at least that is what I took from Sunday... hope I'm not butchering his point). Andrew and I got to take communion together (one of my favorite times of the week) and we just talked about getting OUT of our comfort zones and OUT of the things we know so well and just completely living and being REVIVED by Jesus. Letting HIM lead us and letting HIS life speak through ours. Letting God write our story, but trying to enjoy every part of it together with Him!

So in addition to both of those things falling within 3 days of each other, another thing keeps happening...

When you're in college, absolutely every single person you see/meet/talk to will ask you "what your plans are in the next phase."  If you are going to be a doctor, it's an easy answer. You're going to med school. If you are going to be a teacher. It's an easy (usually) answer and you become a teacher.  But if you have no idea, it's just a stressful question that is, and stays, annoying.  So... after college, if you have a job or a plan or whatever you have, people usually stop asking.  People know what you are doing and people just ask how you are, instead of how things are going to be (sorry if this doesn't make sense... it makes sense in my head).

But... the past few weeks... more people than EVER have been asking me what the next step is.  What are my dreams and goals and plans for "after" this phase, for "after" this job.  And my answer is... drumroll please... no idea :)

I know I want to be a wife to Andrew... and not just a wife/roommate/person you spend your time with.  I want to be a LOVING and committed and encouraging and confident and challenging and submissive (don't get carried away with that one, but respectfully submissive) and SINCERE wife to him.  I know I want to be a mom someday (sometimes I'm not sure I'll be good at that but that's another story for another day). I know I want to love on people in someway.  I know I'm where I'm at right now for SOME reason.

But I don't know what's next, how long I'll stay where I'm at, or how long it will be before God completely rips the rug out from underneath my comfort zone and sends me to Zimbabwe (I had to look up the spelling to that word).  I have no idea what's next but I think it's going to be something big and something different, at least I hope so.  I want to live a good story.  I want to be revived by the Spirit of Jesus every single day over again... because I truly don't think He would have brought me this far and shown me so many different things, just to let me waste my life away.

(disclaimer. if nothing happens and I stay at this place for 16 more years, that doesn't mean nothing happened... it means that God did even more here and I've gotten to be a part of it.)

1 comment:

  1. I love you so much dear! Truly am lucky to have you as my sister:) Love how honest you always are in your posts! And as a side note- you will be an amazing mom! Barrett fits perfectly in your arms and loves it! Wish we lived closer to y'all. Keep on writing, I enjoy reading:)