Monday, November 5, 2012

remember who you are & whose you are

In the past few weeks I have really been struggling with figuring out WHAT THE CRAP I AM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING... in life, in ministry, in our marriage, in my family, in work... everything.   Where am I supposed to be pouring out? Where does God want us to be in 5 years? (geez slow down)... What is He calling me to?

I really think that I have been learning about balance and where I spend my time (and effort and energy and passion and everything) and learning when to say yes to great things.. and when to say no to great things.  While spending time with great people, God has really been teaching me so many different things and it's like I couldn't get a hold or grasp on ANY of them.

Andrew, my love, has been so gracious and encouraging and holding both of us to a great standard of giving our time to wonderful things... but I still have felt so empty at times and so confused by my life in general (vague and weird maybe but whatever).

Yesterday was another one of those days when I felt like my heart was being ripped and torn into about 15 different places... which leads to feeling lonely and empty and like nothing can satisfy or fix any of the problems in my mind (i.e. Satan being an idiot and convincing me I'm alone... wrong.)

A few years ago, I feel like Meredith (great friend, mentor, kindred spirit) would tell me about 600 times a week to "Remember who you are and whose you are."  I hadn't heard the phrase in a while and hadn't really even thought about it much lately.  Then last night I was reading & that phrase JUMPED back into my mind like a sudden slap in the face and punch between the eyes great reminder.

Remember who are you and whose you are.

I am a daughter of the King of creation.  I owe HIM my time and thought and love and gifts.  I desire HIM to be my love and affirmation and only He can satisfy me.  I want to honor HIM in everything I do and whatever that means for my time and money and life... THAT is who I want to be. HE is who I want to please and I need HIM to satisfy my heart.

What a great reminder. and sorry if it sounds like a soapbox. It's not. 

Happy Monday :) and happy it's totally holiday season to all :) :)