Wednesday, January 15, 2014

it's all good.

I don't normally make new years resolutions... 

Mainly because:

1.  My 'year' still runs from August to August in my head... So dreaming and visioning and reflecting often comes in the summertime when things are much less crazy at work.
2.  I'm not very good at starting fresh in January because things gear back up crazy :)
3.  As much as both 1 & 2 are completely true... I'm also not very good at settings year-long goals and sticking to them. I am definitely in the high percentage group of "join a gym Set a goal in January and quit in February." So I try to be realistic about my new goals every year. (That may sound lazy, but I'm pretty reflective throughout the year so January isn't like a end-all-be-all month for me)

All that being said.. I DID set goals this year, but they are more like life goals rather than new year resolutions.  The fall semester for me (again, my year runs from August to August) was such a crazy, weird, wonderful, best semester, busiest three months ever, hectic different semester that at the end of it, I realized I had stopped doing a lot of things that bring me life... Sooooo those are my goals... To do things and be faithful to the things that bring me life, and life to the full.

1. Complain Less. Be more thankful.
2. Cook more.
3. Create more.

I want to cook more because I love it and it brings me joy (Yes, I have the joy of cooking Caity haha) and I think it's really fun to do for me and Andrew. Basically, I just like it, so I'm gonna do it more often; and I want to create more because I love being borderline mildly creative even though I'm not the best at it. It's still fun and light and freeing.

Onto the main point... Complain less and be more thankful. I don't complain that much in normal life (well, public) but I complain a lot to my sweet Andrew... from random dumb things like how cold I am... to off-the-cuff-marriage-fights that I could have gotten over about 68 times before it was a big deal, and everything in between.  Andrew might say I'm extremely dramatic I'm not sure how Andrew would describe it... but I definitely know that the world isn't ending just because one dish is in the sink so maybe I should stop being a jerk about the little things, and remember that it's all good!!

What if instead of thinking the worst of every look or comment or thought or eye roll, I tried to see life through a positive lens... I've tried every day to look at the day and the moments I would want to complain, and instead think how thankful I am in the same moment... It's changed moments in my job and our marriage and family and friends and on and on and on.... It's a choice (usually) to either be negative or positive about things... 

to pick out the worst, or focus on the best...

to  B@#%H  complain about the little things, or be thankful for the things that are going well...

at the end of the day, it's all good. Life is good and God is faithful and quick to love us in every moment.

Donald Miller tweeted this the other day, and it only affirmed some of my complain-y issues:

"How disappointing would it be get to heaven and find out God created life to be enjoyed while all we did was worry?"

It's all good, people. It's all good!!!

Happy Wednesday :)

Sunday, January 12, 2014


I went to church today.

and it was kind of incredible.

If anyone actually reads this, you probably know that Andrew is a leader at our church and that I work(ed) part-time just on Sundays helping out with the volunteers.  Andrew started at Ethos in August before we got married last September, and I started the Sunday after we returned from our Honeymoon.  Our marriage has only known getting up early on Sunday mornings together and being at Marathon to prepare and setup and pray and meet people and lead. What an INCREDIBLE gift it has been to serve alongside Andrew. He is beyond incredible at loving people and making every single person that he meets feel like 1,000 bucks (well, I'm bias.. but it's also fact). It has been such a sweet season, but has also come with challenges and questions.

I started graduate school in August (which I love, side note) and the Fall semester is busy and overwhelming in a lot of ways... and Sundays sometimes became something I was doing instead of being a part of. I hope that makes sense in a not-negative way.  After lots and lots of conversations and prayers and questions and tears and so on... Andrew and I decided that it was going to be best for us, our marriage, my heart, the next season of life for me to take a small step back and stop coordinating at Marathon. (Side note: this is not about coordinating or not coordinating. It's about today at church. But there was some backstory needed).

So today, the first Sunday since Andrew and I got married, I went to church. I drove myself and showed up alone and walked in a little hesitantly happily.  I think I could have cried at how many people that were there and how kind and welcoming and how warm and open they were to the floods of people walking in.  I was with Caity and Jill (two incredible friends that God HAD to have sent just for me somedays... today.. obviously one of those days) and the friendship we share just overwhelmed me with emotion.

and THEN church started.  Wow.  If I'm being honest (well, I am...) I think it's been a really long time since I just went to church and actually soaked it in.  I'm usually there for the sound check so I enjoy the worship while setting things up, then often think about the morning or my day while the people actually worship.  WOW! Do the singing voices sound like that every week? Because if so, my heart has been in another place and it's been in desperate need of that beautiful community of people that stand and sing to the Lord.

I know that the presence of God was around me today.

I could hear it in the singing and while listening to ever word that Will led.

I felt it between Andrew and Jill and Caity and my thankfulness for great community we have around us.

I could see it across the entire room. God was there with us today.

Seasons come and seasons go.  What a sweet season it has been to serve and work and lead and love and cast vision... and what a sweet season it will be to take a step back and remember that God is good even when I have absolutely nothing to do with the work He's doing.  I'll be sad when

I didn't realize how much coordinating meant to me... That's for sure. I definitely didn't anticipate crying Saturday night thinking about not going with Andrew early the next morning... but I also didn't imagine weeping through worship and the first half of the sermon because of the overwhelming sense of peace and joy and THANKFULNESS that God poured over me.

What a good God we serve and how faithful He is to guide us and lead us to an overwhelming and full life in Him.

I want to know that God more and cling closer to Him in this next season.  It will be weird but it will be wonderful at the same time.

Happy Sunday :)